Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Depressive side of depression

So I got 2 proposals rejected this week. I handled the first one fine, but 2 back to back like this in a week have sucked the life out of me. I couldn't get out of bed this morning, what's the point, etc. I wish I had gotten these responses months ago, I don't understand why they had to sit on this information for so long, neither was close to being funded. What really has me spiraling out of control is that the reviews really tore into the fundamentals of my research, calling it irrelevant and redundant. So apparently the majority of what my lab does is supposedly pointless and unnecessary.

It's hard to reconcile those assertions against my groups fairly good publication record and the invitations I've been getting to talk at reputable conferences in my field. I'm not sure what to think, but these reviews coming in as my cash reserves are dwindling really have cast doubt on my abilities. All of sudden, I don't know what to do next. What am I supposed to propose? These reviewers attacked the approaches I'm using to do research and questioned the big picture goal of two of the three thrusts in my lab. There's no revising and resubmitting proposals that get reviews like this. Should I shut down those projects that have been going since I started the lab and have made progress?  I think I'll have to if I can't get them funded again soon. If I propose a different technique they'll tell me I don't have expertise. AAahh! This all sucks.

Well, back to editing papers filled with interesting data and mustering enthusiasm to write a young investigator proposal that requires me to describe how awesome I am.

Monday, January 5, 2015

2015

Happy New Year! I'm putting in my tenure package this year and I'm anxious to just get this over. I'm actually starting to get a bit bored with my job. I've sort've hit steady state and now I'm settling into a routine. Think, write, submit, repeat, edit, teach, serve, repeat. Maybe I need to move or change fields.

I'd love to get another grant funded before I go up, but that really isn't in my control and with the ridiculously long turnaround times, I only have a few more months of trying for that anyway. I'm still waiting to hear back about proposals from the summer. Most of my colleagues have heard back, but I haven't yet. This makes me nervous, I'm probably on the border for everything. Where's the stimulus package when you need one?

I got wrangled into a hiring committee and have to go through a hundred applications in the next few weeks. Separately, I've gone through a good chunk of them and I've yet to see a single US born applicant. I'm trying to figure out what this says about the US academic system and the attractiveness of TT jobs in engineering.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Semester Ending

My travel for the semester if finally wrapped up and I can start to get caught up on research projects as the fall semester comes to a close. 2014 has been quite a good year. My group published a record number of papers, I've given a bunch of talks at seminars and conferences around the world without anyone saying that my research sucks or pointing out that the work has been done before. I graduated my first PhD student, started a company, and got some new funding. So all in all, shit is going well.

Now I just have to keep doing all this stuff and then some as I become more senior and expectations continue to rise. I don't know if it's the New England winter, but I definitely don't feel as happy and energized as I did a few months ago. One thing weighing me down is a lack of funding. Experimental research and students are expensive. One grant a year doesn't cut it for a decent sized research group.

I'm still waiting to hear back about my NSF CAREER proposal from July. Several of my friends have received their rejection letters, but mine is still pending. My hope grows with each day, but I also remember that in the previous two years I was rejected in February. My proposals usually score well and the NSF kicks out the bottom and funds the top first. So each passing day also probably means I have yet another decent, but not quite fundable proposal. My other annoyance is that my R01 was not placed into the study section that I requested. The CSR convinced me this was for the best, but now I think I should have gone with my gut and stuck with my guns and told them to put me where I asked. I know some of the members of this new panel, but I highly doubt that they know me, whereas just about everyone on the panel I requested knows my work. I'm really curious to see how this plays out, but the panel doesn't meet for a few more months. Tying in with my lower energy, I've had several stories I wanted to post about, but I've been too tired and now I've forgotten most of them. Hopefully a few weeks off from class and meetings will recharge my energy level.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Dewitos

OMG, Doritos flavored Mountain Dew! Just what I need in the midst of my tenure tour and major conference season. That is all.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Victory is mine

Not really, but I did manage to submit my R01 just before the Monday deadline. I haven't been very productive so far this week after finishing that marathon stretch, which also included unavoidable teaching, service, and travel.

These days I'm busy traveling for my tenure tour, which is fun, but also tiring. I've also been presenting at conferences, and twice recently I've spoken with speakers from my session, later the same day, who didn't bother attending my talk. They don't even have the decency to sit through 2-3 hours of presentations in the session that they themselves presented in. I really don't understand these people. In my mind there are only two reasons for this 1) they are so busy, they can't even attend a single entire session, which is ridiculous if we've really come to that in our profession, or 2) they don't give a shit what other people in their field are doing. After tenure, I'm going to start asking them which category they are in. I suspect most people would fall into category 2 if they are being honest with themselves.

I really try to listen to the related talks when I attend a conference, otherwise what is the point? Now I do attend some conferences where I don't really go to the talks, but that's because for those I already saw the people present within the last year or so and know what they are doing. If there is someone presenting in my field that I haven't heard before, even if they are new, I try to attend their talk to find out what they are doing. But I always attend the entire session I'm presenting in, unless I have to run to the airport.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Transitioning to NIH applications

I've always worked for people that were NSF/DOD funded and as a result I'm much more familiar with structuring research to satisfy those agencies and writing those types of proposals. I've had actually had very reasonable success at NSF, compared to real and published funding rates, even though each rejection feels like a dagger into my heart. I say real and published because if you look on the NSF site, they often claim about 15-20% funding rates, but this includes supplements, which are for tiny amounts and aren't peer reviewed. Panels I've sat on are routinely in the 5-10% funding range. My stats are 3 for 10 not including supplements, and 5 out of 12 with supplements, which is actually quite good so far if you look at it from that perspective. This also means that I've pretty much used up the charity of NSF. You can't run a decent sized (~6) research group on NSF funding alone, which is what I want to do.


DOD requires building relationships with program managers, which is something I'm working on, but no success there yet, partly because my research is evolving toward medical applications. I've put in a few DOD proposals for open calls, but there you don't get a score so there is no way to tell if you are close or not.


For NIH however, I'm 0 for 4, although I have yet to submit to a standard R01. I've done R21, RFAs, and special things like the "new innovator." I've yet to even get a proposal scored. My NIH funded colleagues aren't sharing their proposals and most of them hide behind the fact that they haven't received new funding since the change from 25 to 12 pages, which happened in early 2010, right before I started my TT position. This is part of the issue of not being at a top place. I've read a few books about NIH writing and looked at the examples on the NIH websites, but I still don't have a great feel for putting together great NIH proposals. Where NSF also helps is that they really try to get new PIs in on panels so you get exposed to a boat-load of proposals, which helps give you a feel for good vs. bad and panels. NIH has a mechanism for bringing in new faculty, but it is at the SRO's discretion and even though I've been actively trying to get on panels, I've yet to get invited. Any advice for how to break into this game? One of my biggest issues is that I'm having trouble drawing the line between what fits as an aim vs. what should be broken off into a separate proposal. My group works on a number of related by separate things. Can each aim attack a problem from a different point of view? Should that be three separate proposals? From the engineering side, you get the added challenge that you are never considered an expert regarding a specific disease or biological system. So when I proposal a set of experiments, based on our unique technology, that would give new insight or help doctors, I always feel like the M.D. and bio Ph.D. people just say what does this engineer know about our niche field, how can he possibly contribute to something we've spent our entire careers studying. Suggestions/help would really be appreciated. I need to start going after R01s and don't want to look like a fool doing it.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Monthly Update

So summer is in full swing. That means paper and grant writing for me. For TT engineering faculty this time of year generally means working on the NSF CAREER proposal, unless you are one of the lucky few that already has one. I'm putting in my third and final attempt this year. Fingers crossed. I feel ok about it, but because of the budget, scope of NSF funding areas, and need for integration with teaching activities, I've had to twist and turn the idea a bit so that it fits this mold. Other than that, this is the happiest summer that I've had since starting down the tenure track. I'm trying to savor this time, since I know this fall will be a shit storm. I'll be teaching a new course and traveling extensively as part of my tenure tour. Hopefully I'll be graduating my first PhD student and taking on some new ones to keep growing my lab. Well, back to grant/paper writing.